wind from my sails

He's sick. Figures that the FIRST TIME my son sleeps through the night is probably because he was sick.

He woke up Monday with a loose cough but I just thought I would keep an eye on it. Later in the day I changed him and he felt warm. He had a low grade temp and the pediatrician said, "non-specific virus." I asked if this virus could cause unusual behavior "non-specifically." She said yes.

Sigh.

However, I am trying to appreciate the fact that now I know he physically can sleep that long.... even if a stupid virus made him do it.

milestone of milestones

Even as I type this I can hardly believe it. Last night, Sunday May 18th, my son slept soundly from 7pm to 6am, straight through, for the ... first ....time ....ever. I woke up this morning so happy, and yet feeling like I must still be in some strange dream state. But no, thank you God no, it was TRUE.

My acceptance speech:
It has been such a long time coming and such a hard road to get to this point, but I would like to thank everyone who has supported us in getting us here. We surely would have fallen much to pieces a million times over without all of you. We have no expectations for tonight or even tomorrow night, but we are optimistic and are going to try our best for a repeat performance some time in the near future. To all our fans, we love you and would like to dedicate this award to you.

Thank you and GOOD NIGHT!

night-night nursing no more

Somehow we have regressed. I'm fully aware that I've played a big part in this. I've been a big softy and night-nursed him with much frequency. I've given my little man every excuse in the book, (Maybe its that he's is at the height of separation anxiety. Maybe its a "wonder week." Maybe its that he's teething. Maybe he's not getting enough calories during the day. Maybe he's cold. Maybe he's wet.) Well all of that - no more! I think the moment of clarity came when a friend reminded me that I really need to get a handle on this before he starts standing in his crib. I paused and whispered, "sweet baby Jesus, you are so right."

Friday night came and I was full of new resolve. I decided that a near 8 month old need NOT eat at night. We had a rough hour from 1am -2am, but I decided my will was stronger and he was not getting any boob juice. By the grace of some higher power, he did finally succumb and slept until 6:45am. Ummm people, that's 12 hours (not uninterrupted, of course, but still.)

Last night we had a similar performance, not quite as strong as night one but my optimism is not wavering. I have convinced myself that he can go the night without eating and that's where we are going to stay.

So it is on bended knee, with a weary head that I beg....Dr. Ferber please don't fail me now. I need you more than ever.

Henry's multiple choice

After significant progress in the sleep department with Henry, we've seen an average of two wakings a night (thank you Dr. Ferber!) Last night, however, the boy decided to throw me under the bus and was up from 10:30pm to 2am, then waking for the day at 6am. Was the reason for this regression:

a) his long, late afternoon nap (from 2:30 to 5pm)
b) the fact that we started sweet potatoes yesterday, his first non-cereal food
c) he is teething- at his last pediatrician's visit the nurse practitioner felt "bumps" - but we all know that could be the state of things for weeks.
d) he is killing me slowly
e) all of the above

It almost seems silly to try and guess, because quite honestly it could have been the freaking phases of the moon keeping him up, but part of me can't stop myself for hypothesizing.

sleep log: day 127

First I need to send a huge thank you out to my friends and family. Truly this has been a challenge with Henry's night wakings, but I do know I have the most wonderful support system in place. If nothing else, knowing that I can vent my grievances to you guys is absolutely the best therapy.

My favorite bit of advice of late has come from someone I consider a mommy-superstar, a mother of THREE. (read: The Mean Mommy) She reminded me that sleep deprivation is the most commonly used form of torture. For some odd reason I find solace and comfort in that. She also suggested I sing DMX lyrics to my son, and I love her for it. ("Ya'll goin' make me LOSE MA MIND! Up in here! Up in here!)

Anyways, because I do feel like so many of you are pulling for us I feel the responsibility to keep you posted on our progress, and there is progress to report. Last night Henry (sound the trumpets) only woke at 11pm and 3am. He was definitely up for the day on the dot of 6am, but yes sir I will take it, and take it with a smile on my face.

AND! Tonight he went down without a fuss, which is something I swear he forgot how to do. It was like magic. He ate his cereal, then stayed up a bit longer while Jim and I had our dinner (because he was all smiles and just too cute to put to bed.) When he started doing his "7 mile stare" and gave us a few yawns, I took him into his room and turned down the lights. I nursed him just a bit, just to top him off and put him down in his crib. I told him a few dozen times how much I loved him and tried to boost his confidence by telling him that he could do this. "Just close your eyes" I said, and I think I pleaded with him to stay asleep until 4am. I will positively die if he complies. You mean, all I had to do was ASK YOU???!!!

So that's the up-to-the-minute latest. Its about this time every night that I get a little nervous and think I should really go to bed right this very second, in preparation for battle. So I'm going to end this here and do exactly that.

A whole lot about sleep....

So Friday night's sleeping performance was most definitely a fluke. A big, fat fluke. Not that I didn't expect that, but it was still hard not to hope that maybe Henry "turned the corner." Alas no, no, no.

I did have a heart to heart with Henry's pediatrician yesterday and I now feel like I have a plan that has been catered to him. I feel the need to write it out, almost like a manifesto or a public declaration of intentions.

The real problem area is sleeping after midnight. Its when all hell breaks loose. The hope is to get him to try and sleep in solid three hour stretches after midnight, which honestly he could have been capable of doing the day he was born, but my man likes to party.

Declaration #1: There will be no more boobs after 7pm, only bottles. Sorry my little man, momma-bonding-time is for the daytime only.

Declaration #2a: When he wakes in the night, he will be given 10 minutes to work it out before we go into his room. If he's still crying after ten minutes, AND its been more than three hours since he last ate he'll get a snack of three ounces and then be put back into his crib. If the bottle doesn't konk him out, he is back on the 10 minute schedule of crying/soothing.

Declaration #2b: The 10 minute crying/soothing schedule is to be implemented if he wakes up before three hours have passed. No bottles before 3 hours.

Declaration #3: Soothing him - for the first hour I will only soothe crib-side and NOT pick him up. If he is still awake after an hour's worth of 10 minute sessions, then I will pick him up and rock him to sleep but try very hard not to hold him for too long. As cold hearted as it sounds we are trying to wean him of his need of me.

That's the plan anyways - sounds so simple when I write it out like that. But oh no, simple it is not.

Allow me to outline our first night on the enforced schedule:

7:45pm - Henry goes to bed and we begin letting him cry in 10 minute shifts (This bedtime is later than usual, mostly because he wasn't showing signs of fatigue like he usually does. He napped pretty well during the day, due to his 4 month shots, so I wasn't too concerned that he was up a little later.) In the past week or so he has not been falling asleep right away like he has in the past, which is part of my frustration of late. It seems like his sleeping patterns have deteriorated.

8:30pm - he FINALLY falls asleep.

Midnight - First waking. Since it had been more than 3 hours since he last ate, I fed him 3 ounces (he doesn't even finish - which tells me he's not really waking because he's hungry.) Henry falls back asleep at 12:30.

2:00am - Second waking - I allow crying in 10 minute shifts.

2:52am - Henry finally falls asleep, which is a shame really because if he had only made it to 3am, I would have fed him. Sorry baby.

Side momma note: The real misery is that because I am fighting this horrible cold I couldn't fall back asleep until 3:30am and then....

4:00am - Third waking. Bottle time, again he doesn't finish - in fact he only has an ounce. He falls asleep at 4:20am.

6:30am - This is the point where I officially can't take it anymore. I pull Henry into bed with me (controversial, I know) and we doze until after 9am. Blissful.

Dear gods of the sleeping babies, please show us improvement tonight. I'm growing fearful that one of these nights I might dissolve into a puddle of ooze right next to our Diaper Champ.

sleep log: day 122

I swear baby Henry is messing with me.

All week I've been all doom and gloom - thinking I had one of those babies that was determined not to sleep well until he was old enough to self-medicate. Last night I proceeded to have a mini-meltdown, I went to bed super early, was tearful and moaned to my dear husband that, "No, its never going to get better!" (I can honestly say sleep deprivation makes you certifiably insane. Poor Jim had no idea what to do with me.)

After all that drama, what does the dear boy do?
Sleep for EIGHT hours!
Wait, what? He did what?!
I'm still having a hard time believing what I just wrote.

I swear to you people, he went down at 8pm and was up at 4am. I thought I was going to walk into his room and find someone else's kid. My dear boy has NEVER slept that long before. Never ever. I literally almost burst with joy - okay maybe I just felt that way since it had been the longest I've ever gone without nursing him, but I swear my heart was elated.

The down side is that he was pretty much up for the day at 4am, but whatever, I'm hardly complaining. Eight hours! Eight hours! Eight hours!

Now I fully know that the simple act of telling you all about this momentous event means that it will not be repeated for many moons (I'm yet again breaking the golden rule of "Thou shall not speak of your child's sleep habits.") but I don't care. It was blissful and I couldn't keep it to myself.

broke the golden rule

I should have known better, I really should have. In yesterday's post I was bragging about how predictable Henry is with his first sleeping stretch. I broke the golden rule of motherhood, "Thou shall not speak of your child's sleep habits." Payback is that he was up at 10pm (which is totally unusual for him)....and 1:15, and 3:30, and 5:15 and 6:30. Rockstar.

Quite honestly Henry has been a total pill since Christmas Eve. I think the holiday threw him for a loop either that or he's going through a growth spurt. The latter hypothesis elicits a smirk from my husband who says, "It seems like he's always going through a growth spurt." Its true. When you can't figure it out, blame growing. Damn growing, I shake my fist at you.

Even as I type this, for the last hour and a half Henry has been cranking every 5-10 minutes making me into a jack-in-the-box trying to soothe him. Well at least the constant up and down is a good leg workout. See? There is ALWAYS a silver lining.

In efforts to not lose my mind I'm always trying to think of what can be adjusted to make improvements. I swear as long as I feel like I'm being proactive I won't lose all hope. I mean, he HAS to sleep through the night sometime, right?

Anyways, the new theory that is striking a chord with me is Good Night, Sleep Tight: The Sleep Lady's Gentle Guide to Helping Your Child Go to Sleep , Stay Asleep, And Wake Up Happy. Kim West, the Sleep Lady, seems to have devised a plan that is a kinder, gentler "cry it out." Basically Henry has turned to nursing as his preferred method of soothing himself and I, the nervous first time mother have enabled this. As a result, Henry can't put himself back to sleep and I've done nothing to teach him how to do it. Kim West assures me that Henry will not starve to death if I let him go 4-5 hours overnight (especially at this age) which was music to my ears. So starting tonight I'm going to soothe him crib-side (but NOT pick him up!) if he wakes before he's due to eat. It probably won't be a good first night, these things take time, but we're hoping that by New Years we'll have a new sleeper on our hands. Pray for me people...and send me strength.

Sleep log: day 78

I can't believe I'm going to say this - but Henry had a good night. Now, before you get all excited, when I say "good" I simply say it because he wasn't up every 2 hours. He went down fairly quickly a bit before 7pm in a blaze of fuss - he was exhausted and crying bloody murder. Fortunately he succumbed and stayed asleep until midnight. This is fairly typical for him and quite honestly I love him for it. Those hours from 7pm until midnight are like sweet payment for a hard day's work. My couches suck me in and I am one content mumma.

But its after midnight that anything can happen. The sleep spell wears off and I'm at his mercy. However, last night he got up at 3:30am and 5:45. Not bad, not bad. I'll take it.

Due to the fact Henry went to bed before 7pm my husband hardly got to see him and I think was pretty bummed about it. I got to thinking, thinking led to a strategy and now I'm rubbing my hands together in delight. You want to see more of your son? How about taking over the midnight feed so this ragged, dark circled mommy can sleep? The idea of sleeping from 10pm to 2am or 3am makes me squirm in my seat. Four hours CONSECUTIVELY? For real?

I've been pumping one bottle's worth a day and since I try to encourage him to cluster feed in the afternoons (to get him to sleep longer in the night) he hardly touches the bottle when he goes down at 7pm. There is always nearly a full bottle waiting for the midnight feed - the perfect late night bonding tool for a father and son. And while this sweet moment is occurring - don't mind me I'll be passed out and drooling all over my pillow.

Sleep log: day 75

As expected, nothing is forever. Our glorious sleep pattern ended and we had a rough night last night. Apparently Henry wanted to be up for the day at 3:30am and we disagreed over this fact until 5am. I changed his diaper, I fed him, I gave him his pacifier... over and over and over again - yet he was not convinced. Eventually he did doze back, but it was short lived and we were up for the day before 8am.

Now he's passed out in the baby sling for his morning nap and while I know I could crawl back into bed, I really don't think I can fall back to sleep at 9:45am.

Bah humbug, Henry. Bah humbug.

Sleep log: day 73

Woot! Woot! Woot! Attention! Attention! We have had an advancement in the sleep department!

Henry slept last night from 7pm to midnight, from midnight until 4am, and then from 4am until 8am! He dropped his 2 am and 6am feedings and his mother is elated. All week through this nocturnal rough patch all I've been praying for is that he would give me 4 straight hours after midnight. Apparently Henry heard me and answered my prayers and gave me two four hour stretches. Perhaps I'll pay for this obedience later, but for right now I'll take whatever I can get. I woke up this morning feeling like a real person, opposed to the walking dead.

Now, I'm no fool in thinking we've turned the corner - anything can happen tonight. However, just the thought, the idea, that he was able to sleep like that will allow me to hold it together for at least a few weeks to come.

As you can see my needs are little - as long as I get a four hour stretch of sleep every few weeks and I can keep this routine up for the indefinite future.

Sleep log: day 72

I'm trying to accept the fact that last night was "normal" for babies Henry's age. Down at 7pm, up at midnight, 2am, 4am, 6am and 8am. Yes, that's normal but it's also brutal.

The hardest part is that I know developmentally and physically he is capable of sleeping in 4 hours stretches past midnight....but our little man really needs to see me every 120 minutes it seems. This morning at 4am, I leaned over him and he gave me this huge, gummy smile in the dark. I have to admit even through bleary eyes I was charmed.

In my desperation I'll try any tip or trick that has worked for moms in the past. Tonight I'm breaking out the humidifier and turning down the heat a bit (I think I've been keeping it too, too warm in his room. He might be hot blooded like his dad.) Praying to the baby sleep gods that it works.

Sleep log: day 71

I can't help but think how long its been since I had a really good night of sleep. An uninterrupted 6 hour stretch (after midnight) would be heaven to me right now.

Currently Henry is going down anywhere between 7pm and 9pm. You would think that if he went down later he would sleep later - not the case. Last night he finally fell asleep close to 9pm, and was up again at midnight, 3am, and 5am. At 5am he really wanted to be up for the day but I just couldn't do it. I put him in the sling, walked with him for a few minutes to calm him down and then melted into the couch. He fell back asleep, thank God and I was able to get a few more precious moments of sleep before he woke up again.

My mother and husband are in my ear about waking Henry up just before I go to bed to feed him. I don't know why but this feels like cruel punishment to me - even though the current schedule is brutal, I don't know that waking him up is ever going to get him to sleep through the night. I don't want to create a habit with that so I think I'm going to go with my gut and not do it.

So I guess I just have to hang on to the thought that it will get better someday soon. In the meantime, more coffee please.